"Why Syria? Actually, Where the Hell is That?"

 

Prior to my trip to Syria people constantly asked me "Why Syria? Are you crazy?" or "Syria? Where the hell is that?"

Well I am going to answer the second question first.Syria is located in the Middle East. It is below Turkey and West of Iran. It shares a border with Iraq, Jordan, Israel,  and Lebanon. And it is home to some of the oldest civilizations, religions, and culture in the world. Plus, you better invest in a very good map if you don't know much about geography! ;)

"Why Syria?"

I understand the complete hysteria, and cautionary tales of America for the Middle East, so I expected this reaction. I had high hopes that Syria will prove this standard and perversed view of the Middle East wrong, and it did. (More about this in my next blog)

Besides the fact that I am completely clueless of my personal purpose in Syria, I knew Syria to be a part of the religious history that took place there thousands of years ago. I think religion is fascinating and inriguing. I grew up in a Hmong family who held indigenous beliefs and buddhist traditions. Honestly,  I have always lacked a connection to my indgenous beliefs. I felt like shamanism was more of a tradition than a religious experience. I don't think it's meant to be such an experience, but one where you are inherently still connected to your past and influenced by it today. I really wanted to find answers to my questions of faith, and also better understand religion.

I've always questioned faith, but that's probably why I have so much faith in the first place. If It wasn't real to me than why bother caring or being angry at It. It's not that I am looking to practice a certain religion, but just asking to understand and have a better connection with God. There has been so much taken away from me, but so much more I have received. I don't think it's just pure luck or coincidence anymore, there has to be a something more.

Last summer, I worked as a janitor cleaning offices, bathrooms, the occasional spills,and (oh god) washing windows. One day, half way through my fun summer, I had just finish my shift for that day and was heading towards my apartment. I felt horrible that day, and not like myself. I was working hard, waking up at 5:00 in the morning until 2:30, and having no time for myself, family, or friends. Everything was so routine, and I hated "needing" the money. Nothing hits your dignity harder than people looking down at you because you are a janitor.

 As I rode my bike pass the cemetery near the Main building, I saw that there was a new statue at the shrine of the Virgin Mary, so I stopped to take a look. I sat down and just looked at the statue. I thought a lot to myself about many things, and as I walked away, for some reason, I decided to go closer to the small pond. I saw a plastic cover gold pendant and picked it up. In the back it had some sort of letters that looked like TM, but it was put together in that it formed my initials TV. I looked at it, and out of all people, it was me who found it and felt the way I did that day. I picked it up and put it in my purse, and felt much happier and hopeful.

On my first day in Damascus, I felt very lonely just because everyone was a lot older than me, and were more experienced. I went up to my bedroom and opened my luggage to put away some things I bought away, and there it was, the pendant I found during the summer. It was just in my luggage. I remember how I felt when I first found this pendant and how it made my day a little better. I don't know if it was coincidence or not, but it made me remember that through even the hardest times, I needed to have faith.

I guess the underlying personal reason for going to Syria is: I don't know. But what I do know is that coming back, I am more motivated to go to greater places and also to continue my journey and question my faith in order to learn. My experience of Syria may affect me later in life in some way, but only God knows, and when he lets me in on the secret, I'll know too.